Give Me A Break

As usual it was some ungodly hour and I couldn't sleep. Luckily God invented the internet and I turned to its comforting glow now that cable no longer shows good movies and Joe Francis was released from jail resulting in more "Girls Gone Wild" commercials than ever before. After clicking through my usual sites I chanced upon an article on MSN Lifestyle titled, "Single-Girl Things to do Before you Marry."
Normally I buy into lists, especially if their title ends with something like "...Before you Die." This to do list made me gag though and I wondered if it was posted on the site as a joke. Here some of examples of its sage suggestions:
1. "Date a guy who's totally wrong for you just because he has amazing abs. So what if he's five years younger and your polar opposite? The joy of running your hands across his six-pack is a perfectly legitimate reason to go out with him."
Seriously, what? You know, I was a chubby chaser back in the day, and I gotta say, dating the wrong guy just cause he's got some extra stuffing is equally, if not more satisying.

2. "Collect at least six country stamps on your passport, including one from a place that until recently you didn't even know existed. Yes, it's fun to travel with your man, but you also have to have some solo adventures under your belt before you start sharing your life with him 100 percent."
This one isn't too bad except I don't think stamps are being used nowadays. What happens when you visit more than one EU country?

3. "Take your celeb crush to the max. Plaster a poster of Ryan Gosling in your hallway, and set your computer wallpaper to a topless shot of him."
This kind of behavior should not go past the eighth grade, after you help your best friend tear off a Leo Dicaprio poster from a Tiger Beat Magazine that you borrowed from the school library.

4. "Hone a signature lingerie style. Figure out what cuts and colors are hottest on you, and develop a look that's all your own. That way, your one-day groom will follow your lead ."
Hmmm...T-shirt and shorts. Check.

5. "Spend an embarrassing amount of money on a designer bag you love or heels that make you feel incredibly sexy."
You know, women should be able to buy whatever they want, whenever they want, married or single. That's why we work.

6."Slip one of those furry covers on the toilet."
No. Those things are weird and a breeding ground for bacteria.


7."Take advantage of the whole bed."
Okay, but why not invest in a CalKing? I sleep on a diagonal and that's not going to change.

Some things I DO need to learn before I get married:
1. Balance my check book.
2. Pump air in my car's tires.
3. Make a martini.
4. Put together IKEA furniture.
5. How to download music into my itunes.
6. Barbecue on a charcoal grill.
7. CPR